


Captain Jack Sparrow

by Aksannyi



Category: NCIS
Genre: Banter, Best Friends, F/M, Friendship/Love, Humor, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2018-11-16 16:23:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aksannyi/pseuds/Aksannyi
Summary: Based off The Lonely Island's video "Jack Sparrow." Because I was watching it one day and realized that hilarity would ensue if Ziva discovered it and shared it with Tony. Just a quick little humor fic to begin everyone's day with a smile.





	Captain Jack Sparrow

**Author's Note:**

> This was removed from FFN the day after posting for a reason that I've never completely understood, as it did not appear to be against any of their rules. Therefore, it has lived on tumblr and my old LJ in that time and I never felt the need to re-upload it as I didn't wanna push my luck with the gods of randomness at FFN, so here it is, with a few minor edits. 
> 
> Watch the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI6CfKcMhjY

_This is the tale  
_ _Of Captain Jack Sparrow  
_ _Pirate so brave  
_ _On the seven seas_

(What?)

_A mystical quest  
_ _To the isle of Tortuga  
_ _Raven locks sway  
_ _On the ocean breeze!_

* * *

 

**0700**

“What’s that you’re listening to?” Tony asked as he set his bag down at his desk.

“It is your anthem,” Ziva replied smoothly, a smile gracing her features.

“I don’t get a say in my own anthem? I mean something more… debonair wouldn’t be more… appropriate?”

“No, Tony, I am pretty sure this is perfect for you,” she replied as he crossed the room to her desk, where YouTube sat open on her screen. Tony could see she was amused, which meant that the anthem she’d chosen was likely to be disparaging.

“Who the hell are The Lonely Island? Do they even know who Sinatra is?”

“Relax, Tony, let me play you the video. I think you will agree. This is perfect for you.” She smirked as a disbelieving grunt passed his lips.

“Michael Bolton!?” he yelped. “Ziva-”

“Just watch it!” she snapped. Tony knew better than to argue with Ziva when she took that tone.

He stood behind her and watched the video impatiently. The first part was just about these three guys - and Michael Bolton - hitting up a club and hitting on some chicks - which, he could freely admit, sounded sort of like him. But a rap song didn’t exactly strike Tony as appropriate for his theme song. No, he would require something more … _classic._

Tony didn’t expect the chorus when it came, with Michael Bolton belting about pirates and Davy Jones’ locker. He even chuckled when Bolton appeared on the screen dressed as Erin Brockovich. But a theme song? No, this was far from the right tone for his personal anthem.

“Well?” Ziva asked expectantly.

“I don’t see it,” he said. Ziva tilted her head incredulously.

“You… do not see it,” she repeated in disbelief.

“No. I mean it’s a hilarious video, and kudos to Michael Bolton for looking that good in a dress, but no. My theme song should be more refined.”

“Refined,” she said slowly.

“Yes. Refined,” he repeated. “It should be something classic. Something a bit … jazzy. Something that makes you feel high class just for listening to it.” Ziva bit back a guffaw.

“You think,” she started, trying hard not to laugh, “you give off a ‘high class’ air?”

“Agent David, I will have you know-”

“Gear up!” came the call from seemingly nowhere, causing Tony’s mouth to hang open for a moment before he sprang into action. In just a matter of moments, both were walking toward the elevator in sync, bags slung over their shoulders.

“I’ll tell ya later,” he said, and Ziva could only smirk as the elevator doors closed.

* * *

**0745**

The young sailor was face down in the sand, having seemingly washed up on the shore just an hour ago. An elderly woman out walking her dog had found the body and called the authorities, who then contacted NCIS upon seeing the dog tags around the neck of the young man.

Ducky was crouched before the body, attempting to determine a preliminary cause of death. Tony was photographing the scene with Ziva right behind him, scouring the sand for any traces of evidence save for the nearby body.

McGee took the man’s hand in his and pressed his finger to the digital print scanner. “Ensign David ‘Davy’ Jones,” McGee murmured, identifying the victim.

“Suppose he has a locker, this Davy Jones?” said Tony almost automatically. Ziva bit her lip to keep from laughing, and Gibbs’ head snapped up, glaring at his senior Agent.

“Right. Looks like he’s been dead a while, huh Duck?” Tony changed the subject.

“I will know more once we get him back,” the Scotsman replied, a smile ghosting his face at the obvious shift in subject matter. If he’d been younger, he surmised, he might have made the same joke himself.

“Tony,” called Ziva from several yards away, where she’d located something of interest. He headed over to her, stopping short when he saw what Ziva saw.

“A foot locker. Well what do you know? Perhaps this is indeed our Davy Jones’ locker after all?” Tony attempted to open the chest, but was unable. Gibbs had joined them by now, and he nodded to Ziva behind Tony’s back.

“Allow me,” she said, nudging her partner out of the way. She whipped out one of her ninja contraptions, as Tony called them, and set to work at unlocking the locker. In seconds, she had it open, revealing the contents to be …

“Nothing,” stated McGee.

“Thank you, Captain McObvious,” was Tony’s response, earning him another irritated glare from his boss.

“Well, pick it up, DiNozzo, it’s coming with us,” was Gibbs’ response. Again, Ziva smirked behind his back.

“Well go on, Captain Jack,” she replied, eliciting a glare from her partner as he crouched down to pick up the heavy chest. Taking pity, Ziva crouched down beside him, and they both began to lift the heavy chest to carry it to the truck.

They were well out of earshot of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs when Ziva spoke. “I thought Davy Jones’ locker was not an actual locker, Tony.”

“It isn’t. But I couldn’t resist, honestly,” he said as they slid the chest into the back of the truck.

“You still don’t see it, do you?” Ziva wiped her hands on her pants to get the sand off of them. Tony followed suit, then grabbed a towel from inside the truck, handing it to Ziva to clean up further.

“I definitely don’t,” was his response.

“Please! The song is about Captain Jack Sparrow! You just made a reference to the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ movies!” The fact that Ziva had caught his reference was not lost on Tony, and he smiled inwardly that his former movie-illiterate partner was becoming more versed on the subject matter.   
  
“The guy’s name is Davy Jones, how could I not? He even had a foot locker. There’s no way I could pass that up.” She handed the towel back to him, and he threw it back into the truck.

“Just admit it, Tony, the song is about you.”

“I don’t even like the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ movies that much, Ziva,” he replied, exasperated.

“It isn’t just about that one movie, Tony. Surely you can not sit here and tell me that you don’t see how it parallels to you?”

“It’s ridiculous, Ziva,” he started. He paused to collect his thoughts for a moment, then said, “I am not ridiculous and my theme song shouldn’t be, either.” Ziva rolled her eyes. Sometimes Tony was the most stubborn human on the planet, and today was no exception. She looked upon him as someone who had a true passion, and it wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

She was just about to reply when they were again interrupted by Gibbs’ terse, “You done loading this thing?”

“Ready to roll,” was Tony's swift reply, and the team piled into the vehicles for their trip back.

* * *

**1035**

The case - and by extension, the day - was moving slowly, with very few leads. This, of course, meant that Gibbs was getting angrier and angrier as the minutes passed. They’d interviewed family, coworkers, and even Ensign Jones’ girlfriend, none of whom seemed to have any information at all. He’d had a minor altercation with a fellow officer a few months back, but it had led nowhere, as the other officer was on leave visiting family in Wisconsin.

McGee was combing through bank records of every person even remotely related to the deceased, while Tony and Ziva sat thumbing through the man’s personal effects, which had been sent to NCIS from his storage locker on base. Much to Ziva’s surprise, Tony did not comment again about the fact that Jones had possessed a locker. It probably had something to do with the fact that Gibbs’ mood was sour, and even Tony knew when to back off the jokes.

Ziva’s phone rang, and she picked it up. Tony sat watching her, more interested in what she was doing than the paperwork in front of him.

“No, I do not recommend doing that,” she advised the person on the other line. Tony could tell it was a female, but little else.

“Jessica,” she warned, “I do not think you should be making waves right now. We are handling the investigation.” Tony looked up at his partner, wondering what it was that Jessica Pierce, Jones’ girlfriend, was trying to do.

“Where are you?” A pause, as the woman gave Ziva the answer, “Stay right there. We are on the way.”

“What’s going on?” Tony asked. Gibbs also looked up from his desk, wondering the same thing.

“She is at the house of Ensign Nunez. She thinks he is involved, says she has a gut feeling about him.”

“We’ve already been there though,” McGee supplied, “What could she possibly need to go there for?”  
  
“Tony, Ziva, go find out,” was the order given from Gibbs. Without a word, they complied, exchanging a look - one that clearly indicated that they both had a bad feeling about this new development.

* * *

**1100**

They arrived at the house of Ensign Nunez fairly quickly, and both noted that Jessica’s car was parked in front of the house, which meant she was still inside.

“Let’s go,” Ziva said, and they were out of the car and walking up to the door with purpose.

“The door’s open,” Tony pointed out, and he slowly pushed it all the way open, revealing Jessica Pierce, lying face up, a pool of fresh blood oozing beneath her, a hole in her chest and a box of chocolates lying a few inches from her other hand.

“Damn it,” Ziva said, “I told her she should not be snooping through this house.”

“Life is like a box of chocolates,” he muttered, pointing at the discarded heart-shaped box that the woman had obviously been holding when she’d been shot.

“It seems the box was discarded just as carelessly as her life, Tony, so you may be right,” she replied, the movie quote not slipping her notice as she reached into her pocket for her cell to notify Gibbs of the new body.

Tony crouched down and picked up a card that had also fallen near the box of chocolates. The card read, “ _Jessie, love, some sweets for you, as you are the sweetest thing in my life. Love, Alex.”_

Ziva read the note and her eyes widened as she spoke, “So Jessica was not only Ensign Jones’ girlfriend.”

“And I’m pretty sure Nunez is married. This is making less and less sense the further we get into it,” said Tony.

“Very true,” she agreed, “It seems that we never know what we are going to get,” she finished, almost unable to help herself. She snapped a few photographs of the deceased with her cell phone.

“Ziva-”

“Before you say anything else, it is not ridiculous. It is just about a man who loves movies and constantly talks about them. I do not think you are ridiculous.”

“I was only going to compliment you on picking up that reference,” he said, smiling.

“Well, you’ve made me watch it on more than one occasion,” she responded, a smile also finding its way to her face.

“But whether or not you think it’s ridiculous, that song is still not my anthem.” 

* * *

**1300**

Tony and Ziva stepped off the elevator in the office building where Mrs. Nunez worked as an aide for a local law firm. All signs were beginning to point to the woman being somehow involved in the two slayings, and Gibbs had decided it was time to bring her in for questioning.

“Alissa Nunez?” Ziva asked the woman at the desk whilst showing her badge. The woman pointed down the hall at a chubby blonde woman making copies. “Thank you.”

Tony and Ziva approached the young woman, also unveiling their badges at her, and watched as her eyes widened as she realized who was looking for her.

“I’m sorry, I have to go. I have to prepare some documents.”

“Not so fast,” Tony said, lightly stopping the woman by grabbing her by the arm. The woman looked down at Tony’s hand, mouth open in shock.  
  
“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just come here and grope at me.”

“Ma’am, no one is groping you,” Ziva began. “We need to ask you some questions. Failure to comply could result in obstruction charges.”

“I don’t have to speak to you! Look where you are. I am surrounded by lawyers. Do you think I’m going to talk? Now excuse me, I have a meeting with a family about some tainted water.”

“Trying to be the next Erin Brockovich, that’s noble of you. Are you working _pro bono_ , too?” Ziva snorted, trying her hardest not to burst out laughing. Could he really be calling out another movie from the _same_ video today?

“What?”

“Ma’am, please just come with us,” Ziva interjected, shaking her head at her partner. “It will only take a few minutes of your time.”

“I don’t have a few minutes,” was the woman’s response, but she was beginning to realize she was losing the fight. The woman allowed the two agents to lead her out the door and to their vehicle, where they would drive her to the Navy Yard for questioning, but not without motioning to a man in a business suit to follow her.

Tony and Ziva exchanged a glance. Lawyers.

* * *

**1820**

Tony had run ahead, tackling Nunez to the ground after the man had decided to run. Nunez, however, wasn’t ready to quit yet, and punched Tony square in the jaw, causing Tony to double back in pain just as Ziva arrived on the scene.

“You wanna play rough? Say hello to my little friend!”

“ _I_ am your little friend?” Ziva scoffed.

“Well, you pack quite a bunch, _Ziva,”_ he said as she did exactly that, knocking the man on his ass and putting him in cuffs without so much as breaking a sweat. Tony had to admit, he never got tired of watching the ninja save his ass, emasculating though it may sometimes be.

“Tony, you just quoted _Scarface._ You have officially quoted or referenced every single movie in that video today.” Gibbs and McGee had caught up and took Nunez into their custody, leading him away to the backseat of their car. She and Tony watched the man as they placed him in the car, his face resigned to his fate.

Softly, she began to sing so that only Tony could hear her, “This is the tale, of Tony DiNozzo.” His head snapped toward her and she started to chuckle quietly.

“Ziva,” he warned. He was still not a fan of the song, but the fact that he’d made all the references he did today and she’d gotten every single one of them had been a pleasant part of his day.

“What? It is a song about someone who loves movies. It is not a bad thing that you have something that you enjoy so fiercely. You should be flattered that I saw it and thought of you.”

“You really don’t think it’s ridiculous?”

“Michael Bolton in a dress is _certainly_ ridiculous. But the video itself is funny and charming. That is why I thought of you when I saw it,” she replied, smiling. His face broke into a grin.

“Not _every_ movie referenced in the video,” he responded. When she raised her eyebrows in response, he leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and looked her square in the eye, proclaiming, “You complete me.”

* * *

(Okay, turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile.)

_You complete me!_


End file.
